Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
