I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
