Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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