my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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