I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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