dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
