I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
