That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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