ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
