After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They have beer where we have blood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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