how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
