I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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