I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
