Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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