apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
