Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
