I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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