so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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