my vag is so smooth its legendary
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
