I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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