I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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