i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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