Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
