I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
