I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
