I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
