tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
