Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i believe in u and ur pee
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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