She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
