I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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