so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
