Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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