hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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