i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
