Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
