dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
