my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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