we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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