I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize