I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
