Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
