I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
