i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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