omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize