i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
