I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
