I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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