I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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