it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
