so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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