babies were throwing up all over the place
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
