dude i'm inner monologue high
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
