Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
