Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
