And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
