I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
