I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
