Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
