dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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