I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
