Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
