I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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