When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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