So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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