she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
